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Fly Slip-Looking for lost balls...: The legend of Splendid Mendis

Friday, October 24, 2008

The legend of Splendid Mendis

Legend has it that Splendid was conceived at the foot of the mythical Adams peak. Thus people believe this is where Mendis draws his supernatural powers, enabling him to run through a batting line up with a mere flick of his fingers.

When Splendid Mendis entered this mortal earth, it is said that that he thanked his mother for her troubles and told his dad “Ill take it from here”.

Splendid then proceeded to create a horse drawn carriage from a few sticks outside the hospital and pulled the thing himself with his parents on board and took them home.

He later returned to pick up his dads car from the car park.

At age 7 Splendid Mendis’s legend was known only to a select few in the outer regions of the country.

But all that changed over night when, playing back yard cricket with his friends, Splendid dismissed the entire opposition by himself.

That alone might not seem that impressive.

But when he repeated the same 10 times over in the next 10 games everyone took notice.

3 years later , 10 year old Splendid completed his degrees. When he wanted to do a octagon degree – a combination of 8 different disciplines, no university offered it. So he studied in 25 universities at the same time and completed 25 different degrees.

It was a combination of Mechanics, Mechatronics, Advanced Physics, Biology and some other thing even we cant pronounce. For his dissertation he did part time consultancy for NASA and promptly discovered a new universe.

NASA offered to call it the Splendid Universe but Mendis shied away from the spot light.

Splendid was a humble man from the beginning.

At age 11 Splendid was picked by the Australian Cricket team and offered Aussie citizenship. He declined and instead went on to join the Sri Lankan army. Both the cricket team and military.

Mendis once destroyed an entire fleet of rebel battleships with nothing but a leather ball and a flick of his legendary fingers.

When not destroying rebel battalions Splendid was destroying batting line ups in club cricket at 12.

He has taken a 1000 wickets in every season he has played in with a average of –(minus) 155.

A recent poll conducted revealed that 99.99% of the males in Sri Lanka want to be Splendid Mendis. The 0.01% was Mendis himself.

Another poll revealed that 87% of the worlds women want to sleep with Splendid. 100% of the men want the same.

Mendis can drink 50 kegs of beer in one go. And still do 100 Everclear shots one after the other.

Splendid was in fact picked for the Sri Lankan test team at age 13 but he declined as he dint want to steal the spotlight from Murali.

The official name for Sri Lanka is actually The Republique of Ajantha Splendid Mendis, but its more commonly know as Sri Lanka, which is one of the many nick names for Splendid Mendis.

The Large Hadron Collider project was actually in ruins before Splendid offered his help. He dug the tunnel and connected the tubes in 15 minutes.

The first particle they will collide will be Splendid running in opposite direction at the same time.

The Sri Lankan test team hired Mendis as a bowling Machine as net practice for their test tours to India but soon gave up the plan after 300 000 balls of playing and missing.

Splendid coached Terry Jenner.

His bowling average has reached minus infinity. Thrice.

Shane Warne said he was glad he is not playing in the Era of The Splendid.

Splendid doesn't use pick up lines. He merely looks at women and they want give him their number.

Women have been asked not to look directly into his eyes. If they do they will shudder with multiple orgasms.

Splendid has been nominated and has won the greatest human ever award in each of his 20 years on earth. This has largely gone unnoticed to the world because he has requested that his name be kept out of the papers.

And Finally, Don Bradman has said that he would never have got a test run if Splendid had been around when he played.


These are but a mere snippet of the folklore surrounding the great man.

Many of his legendary feats have been lost through the times or been forgotten. However flyslip has dedicated himself to unveiling all the great stories surrounding Splendid.



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5 Comments:

Blogger Sachintha said...

Classic Damith! Simply awesome!

Hahahaaa! I couldn't stop laughing...

Splendid is indeed a mystery... and I guess there is lot more to come than we have seen!

October 24, 2008 at 7:54 PM  
Anonymous Padman Paavan said...

Acha keyar top class article he... Thera ladaki bath dora dora mandir.Damith mera been laughing all over.Chepa chepa inigra binda.

purifying lotus

October 24, 2008 at 8:08 PM  
Anonymous scorpicity said...

ha ha ha... lovely

"Another poll revealed that 87% of the worlds women want to sleep with Splendid. 100% of the men want the same."

et tu in the 100%?

Cheers... this is a classic indeed.

October 24, 2008 at 10:07 PM  
Anonymous Ceci said...

I know this is all true Damith for you a serious man and scholar of Mendisology (similar to Jrod's Sewagology but with added ooomph)

October 30, 2008 at 8:00 AM  
Blogger Damith S. said...

Sach> Cheers buddy.

Splendids legend is spread so far and wide I might have to do a follow up, a part 2 of the legend if you will!

Padman >not too sure what you said. But thanks! :)

scorpi>of course. sleeping with splendid would do wonders for my blog PR.

flyslip- the blogger who charmed splendid mendis

Ceci> Mendisology has a nice ring to it.

What would be a peach is when the two go head to head !

October 31, 2008 at 8:34 AM  

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