The legend of Splendid Mendis

Legend has it that Splendid was conceived at the foot of the mythical Adams peak. Thus people believe this is where Mendis draws his supernatural powers, enabling him to run through a batting line up with a mere flick of his fingers.

When Splendid Mendis entered this mortal earth, it is said that that he thanked his mother for her troubles and told his dad “Ill take it from here”.

Splendid then proceeded to create a horse drawn carriage from a few sticks outside the hospital and pulled the thing himself with his parents on board and took them home.

He later returned to pick up his dads car from the car park.

At age 7 Splendid Mendis’s legend was known only to a select few in the outer regions of the country.

But all that changed over night when, playing back yard cricket with his friends, Splendid dismissed the entire opposition by himself.

That alone might not seem that impressive.

But when he repeated the same 10 times over in the next 10 games everyone took notice.

3 years later , 10 year old Splendid completed his degrees. When he wanted to do a octagon degree – a combination of 8 different disciplines, no university offered it. So he studied in 25 universities at the same time and completed 25 different degrees.

It was a combination of Mechanics, Mechatronics, Advanced Physics, Biology and some other thing even we cant pronounce. For his dissertation he did part time consultancy for NASA and promptly discovered a new universe.

NASA offered to call it the Splendid Universe but Mendis shied away from the spot light.

Splendid was a humble man from the beginning.

At age 11 Splendid was picked by the Australian Cricket team and offered Aussie citizenship. He declined and instead went on to join the Sri Lankan army. Both the cricket team and military.

Mendis once destroyed an entire fleet of rebel battleships with nothing but a leather ball and a flick of his legendary fingers.

When not destroying rebel battalions Splendid was destroying batting line ups in club cricket at 12.

He has taken a 1000 wickets in every season he has played in with a average of –(minus) 155.

A recent poll conducted revealed that 99.99% of the males in Sri Lanka want to be Splendid Mendis. The 0.01% was Mendis himself.

Another poll revealed that 87% of the worlds women want to sleep with Splendid. 100% of the men want the same.

Mendis can drink 50 kegs of beer in one go. And still do 100 Everclear shots one after the other.

Splendid was in fact picked for the Sri Lankan test team at age 13 but he declined as he dint want to steal the spotlight from Murali.

The official name for Sri Lanka is actually The Republique of Ajantha Splendid Mendis, but its more commonly know as Sri Lanka, which is one of the many nick names for Splendid Mendis.

The Large Hadron Collider project was actually in ruins before Splendid offered his help. He dug the tunnel and connected the tubes in 15 minutes.

The first particle they will collide will be Splendid running in opposite direction at the same time.

The Sri Lankan test team hired Mendis as a bowling Machine as net practice for their test tours to India but soon gave up the plan after 300 000 balls of playing and missing.

Splendid coached Terry Jenner.

His bowling average has reached minus infinity. Thrice.

Shane Warne said he was glad he is not playing in the Era of The Splendid.

Splendid doesn't use pick up lines. He merely looks at women and they want give him their number.

Women have been asked not to look directly into his eyes. If they do they will shudder with multiple orgasms.

Splendid has been nominated and has won the greatest human ever award in each of his 20 years on earth. This has largely gone unnoticed to the world because he has requested that his name be kept out of the papers.

And Finally, Don Bradman has said that he would never have got a test run if Splendid had been around when he played.


These are but a mere snippet of the folklore surrounding the great man.

Many of his legendary feats have been lost through the times or been forgotten. However flyslip has dedicated himself to unveiling all the great stories surrounding Splendid.

While I was away...

For those who knew, Its good to be back.

For those who dint, well makes no difference to you I guess.

A lot changes in 4 days it seems.

Surprising no one worth their balls, the Kiwis beat the ever increasingly, annoyingly inconsistent Bangladeshi’s. They give you hope then they take it away, cruel.

Mr. Ashawful and co have a long ways to go yet.

The mighty mighty Lions, the Sri Lankan variety, not the British sort, smacked their way to a entertaining win in some far away land with no TV coverage.

Flyslips own Splendid Mendis won the Man of the series as per usual. Old man Sanath gave the crowd some entertainment as well, via his middle finger. Some LTTE supporters, a terrorist group, not a band or such like, apparently hounded some of the lads and Jayasuriya flipped the birdie to let them know how he felt.

Meanwhile back home, following a brilliant review of the Tier System in Sri Lankan domestic cricket by us, SLC decided that NO Tier B teams should enter into Tier A, thus the currently relegated Baduraliya(Tier A last placed) might not be sent into oblivion and become a non news worthy team after all.

In case you missed it, we recommended more teams enter Tier A, having read the report SLC decided to not let any team enter Tier A, we were naturally confused.

So 18 of the 20 teams now seem to be heading for a Boycott of the premier league. Things are not peachy.

Also, Mohammad Ashawful become the first and possibly the last batsmen to publically apologize for playing a bad shot. Sri Lankans have tried tirelessly to get Sanath Jayasuriya to do the same for years. And failed.

We applaud you son, even though we don’t like you that much for playing that shot.

Oh and those two teams in India right now played out some boring draw. A big bear attacked an old man got his rewards, We are proud of you.

Ps- Thanks to NWK for keeping the posts and entertainment going while I was away !

The Two Tier System- A review

A year ago we saw the birth of the much debated Premier league tournament. The gist of the structure was that a two- tier system was to be implemented, with the last team in tier A are relegated to the lower tier B and the winner of tier B gets promoted to compete with the creme de le creme of Sri Lankan club cricket.

The league which split up the 20 clubs that currently play cricket in Sri Lanka, was devised to increase the competition between the clubs. Thus ensuring that the standard of the game increased, the gap between club and the intense international game was narrowed and Sri Lanka were well on their way to world domination.

But is it really working?

Last year Tier A was won by unquestionably the dynasty of Sri Lankan club cricket, SSC. There was stiff competition from Moors and Tamil Union but SSC prevailed to win a memorable treble. All the headlines naturally focus on Tier A as most of the best cricketers in the country are playing in that particular league.

In much of the same as Div 2 in the English county game, no one, except the teams playing in the lower league, actually care about the Tier B. Performances are often scuffed upon due to allegations and perceptions of a lower grade of cricket being played.

So then is it fair that only 1 team from the Tier B gets the chance to show their wares in Tier A every year?

Current Tier B champions, Sri Lanka Army, will definitely be upsetting the comfortably numb balance in Tier A this year. They won more games than SSC , they had more points than SSC and looking a major title challenger this year. Led by spin duo, Ajantha Mendis and Seekkuge Prasanna, the Armys strong point is in their bowling. Sadly now it seems that Mendis might miss most of the season due to international engagement. One thing is for certain, the Army boys will be chomping at the bit to have a go at their more prestigious colleagues.

What of the Panadura lads, who pipped at as a healthy runner up in Tier B. Once again with more points than Tier A no2, Moors. It seems almost unfair that a team that did not loose a game the whole season, who have out gunned, at least in terms of points their counter parts in Tier A, and clearly a better side than some of the teams hanging on in Tier A at the bottom, do not get a their chance.

Teams like Bloomfield, Ragama, Nondescript won less games than Panadura yet remain safely in Tier A, and more importantly within the peripheral vision of the selectors. It would come as no surprise that NON of the centrally contracted players for Sri Lanka come from a team outside Tier A. Mendis doesn’t have a central contract as yet. Once he does he might make a move to one of the Tier A teams in case he is forgotten.

So what does it all mean ?

Simple, more teams from Tier B need to get into Tier A.

Will they survive in the deep end? Maybe not.

Do they deserve their shot ? Sure as hell they do. Without a question.

Ideally at least 2 teams should get relegated or promoted. Maybe even 3 with a play off scenario. That is to say the 3^rd and 4^th from bottom in Tier A enter a end of season play off. The loser gets relegated. Winner stays on.

Similarly the 3^rd and 4^th teams in Tier B enter a play off. I suspect you can do the math from there.

This would ensure that Tier B teams would get a prime opportunity to engage in some real cricket, that people and selectors care about. The standard of Tier A will improve. The gap we talked about earlier will reduce.

Mendis for County ?

The scrap is on.

There are rumors abound that the English counties are targeting our young spin maestro Splendid Mendis (that has now been officially patented by flyslip!)

Flyslips quite excited about the whole thing. Its not often that young Sri Lankans are spotted by the counties. The most notable players in the English domestic game have always been the big names from the island.

Sanath

Murali

Sangakkara

Aravinda.

Them be some really big names.

This is a wonderful opportunity for Splendid Mendis,(doesn’t it just roll off the tongue). Its also a sign of just how big an impact he has made in the world game in his very short career.

I have always felt that Mendis needs to develop stock ball.

Warne had his leggie.

Murali has his big spinning offie.

Mendis bowls about 6 or 7 different variations in an over. But in the long run whats going to bag you most of your wickets is your stock ball. Even if it does not directly get you the wicket, the stock ball will ensure your variations are that much more dangerous. The county game, depending on how long he gets to play, will offer him a great chance to do just this.

But where will he go ?

Most Likely

The most likely scenario is that Splendid Mendis will go to Lancashire because of the Murali tie -in.

I'm sure Murali, he of the goggle eyes, will have plenty of nice things to say about the county. Including yarns about every ones favorite man- Freddy.

My Pick

Personally Id like to see him move to Sussex. I quite like the idea of Mendis trying to fill the 1800+ wickets hole that Mushy has left there. Sussex do have Ollie Rayner to who has been under the astute apprenticeship of the bearded one. So it will be interesting to see what approach they take.

Wild Card

Durham - who might want to mix things up next year as their attack is pace heavy. With Paul Wiseman reaching a 153 years of age next year and proving to be highly ineffective with 16 wickets to his name, Mendis might slot in well for the reining Division 1 Champions.

Verdict

What ever county he goes to, its a guaranteed investment.

Considering how the Englishmen went against Murali during his stint, Mendis will eat the English men alive and spit them out for good measure.